Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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