And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
