my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
