have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
