4 words: hood of his car
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
FUCK WHALES
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
