apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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