isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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