dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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