We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
