I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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