For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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