oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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