Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
