sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
