"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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