You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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