I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
