After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
