I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
