worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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