I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
