This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
