i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
