Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
