Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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