I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
