I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
