well I can't set my house on fire every night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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