Sry I called you an 8
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
