Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
