Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
