A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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