Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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