Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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