I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
