guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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