i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
