every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
