I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
