I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
