all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
