A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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