I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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