you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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