...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
