He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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