I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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