Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
