Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
