He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
