So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
