Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
