Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
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fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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