He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
