I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
