I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
