i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
