Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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