No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
