If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I looked at my own cervix.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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