Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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