Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
