I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
