Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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