There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
