if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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