This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
