my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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