I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
