Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
