You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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