I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
