Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
