I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
