And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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