she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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