Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
