Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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