I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
