Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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