There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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