yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
