Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
babies were throwing up all over the place
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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