I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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