Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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