I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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