i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
