i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
