Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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