Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
