I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
