Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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