Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
