i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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