i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
