you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
