You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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